Darlings! I have been indulging in a little culture in Swindon. "Swindon!" I hear you cry, "has as much culture as a fat person's TV remote control tuned permanently into Jeremy Kyle!" - Well darlings, you're wrong - we spent the day at the Swindon Mela, a celebration of all things Indian, and my opportunity for a full on binge of samosas. Oh luvvies, it was devine! Obviously being Swindon it was full of fat chavs, but the fantastic music, stalls, and atmosphere was great compensation for having to constantly walk in the stench of Benson and Hedges smoke coming from the 13 year old pushing a pushchair standing in front of me. Having initially arrived in a bit of diva strop because the rest of the world were at Womad 20 miles up the road and I was standing in a park in bloody Swindon, I calmed down when I got my first plate of samosas. The majority of the stalls were vegetarian, with a large proportion of them having a vegan option too. By my 15th plate of samosas I could have been wandering around Dehli in my four inch stillettos with the shits, for all I cared. Finally we settled down to watch the live music, well, I say "we" settled down, but my husband / man I married for his money / person who pays my credit card bills / sat down, while our perfect children ran amok, ruining it for everyone else. The music was divine darlings! Big up for the bloke who got me dancing! Some bloke called Jaz Dhami - big him up!
On my holiday to Swindon I also had my first experience of a 'silent demo' - what? No megaphones? The silent demo was in aid of the proposed closure of Borders book shop in Swindon. The company are apparently closing five of their UK shops and Swindon happens to be one of them. This may be because people in Swindon prefer to spend their money on binge drinking and clubbing rather than books, but hey, the Swindon Festival of Literature proves that there are at least some people in the town who are turned on by something other than what's already on offer in the town, such as binge drinking and crappy shops that you can find on any high street. Presumably these people thank the dear Lord that they are in easy reach of Cheltenham Book Festival and a motorway to get out of Swindon as quick as they can.
Listen up fellow bitches. Get your megaphones and Vegetarian Shoes DM's on. Quick. In celebration of the summer I went for a leisurely muse in a health food shop the other day. Oh I do love to mooch amongst the lentils, oh I do love to mooch amongst the Scheese. Well, much to my horror as I was eyeing up the prunes something so utterly disgusting caught my eye - a bottle of "protein drink." As we all know, there's a well known health food shop where at least half their shelves are filled up with bodybuilding crap, but this my darlings was an independent health food shop where not only does one not expect to find bodybuilding supplements, but one does most certainly not expect to find products with a Nestle logo on the back. Yes, that's right, I might be deaf and sporting the most WAG-like hearing aid, (available in brown, ginger, black and peroxide blonde) but I am most certainly not blind, and was horrified to see a Nestle logo on a product in somewhere I spend my husband's hard earned cash on delights such as Redwood Cheeses and mushroom pate. In utter disgust I approached the shop assistant and pointed out my surprise that they were selling Nestle products, I politely asked them to remove their products and was reassured that "the product was ordered by accident." Two days later I returned to the shop and found that the product was still on the shelf. Well, fuck me, they really are stupid. Do they honestly think that people who shop in their shop would do so if they knew the company were lining the pockets of the worlds largest baby killers? I think not. Having initially approached them in a lovely calm manner, this time the bitch gene kicked in big time and I threw the idea of a shop front demo into the mix. Then in a panic, literally shit in my agent provocateur knickers and left. So much for being an anarchist.
No comments:
Post a Comment